Original version:

"It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air." - W.T. Ellis

Subversive version:

"Christmas in the air is not without glitter, tinsel, the black hole that is a strip mall parking lot, and anxiously angry people emptying their wallets as fast as they can for completely useless and/or tasteless things to give to their loved ones."

"Being a teacher is the only job that is closest to being a Mother Theresa."

Subversive version:

"Being a teacher is the only job that makes you buy your own supplies to do said job with."

"Don't let my car fool you, my treasure is in heaven." - bumper sticker seen on an 80s beat up, white Izusu pick-up truck.

Subversive version:

"Dude, you are so underestimating heaven."